What's been going on around here lately

The Swedish Academy’s decision to not award the Nobel Prize in Literature this spring hit me hard, of course. I figured this would be my year and was counting on the cash prize of a cool million bucks. A man needs a little boost now and then. I know I do. People associate me with radio but I was also a Novelist — okay? Novels. With characters and dialogue. Lonely guys looking out rain-spattered windows at bare trees and wondering, “Who am I anyway?”

I did some of that last Saturday morning. I am married to a perfectionist, and so my faults are more clear to me than necessary. I am 75 years old, people. How many men of 75 are actively engaged in self-improvement? Are there rehab programs for us? Inspirational books aimed at us? No.

I was looking out a rain-spattered window, thinking long thoughts, when a wild turkey strolled into our backyard and onto the terrace as if he owned the place. My love and I live in the middle of a big city, but on the steep wooded slope behind us, raccoons live, and a fox, and wild turkeys who roost in the trees and grow very large because we’re all liberals around here and nobody has a shotgun to shoot them with.

The turkey stood preening himself ten feet away from me, unconcerned about trespassing, and it made me think about freedom, which I experienced for a few years in my childhood. We lived in the country where a boy could disappear into the woods and run around without adult supervision for most of the day. Believe it or not, we had no pagers or cellphones on us to allow our parents to keep close tabs. Kidnappers could’ve descended and taken us away, bound and gagged, in souped-up roadsters and demanded a ransom of a million in nonconsecutive bills. They didn’t because our parents didn’t have the dough. And my parents had other children. Spares. So we were safe, tearing around shooting cap pistols, waving our cowboy hats, and re-enacting white racist violence against native peoples in a way children would not be allowed to do today. When I see a pickup truck with NRA and Confederate flag bumper stickers on it, I see myself when I was eight. Been there.

And in this moment of reverie, my true love said to me, “You really need to do something about your desk.”

I don’t run a perfectionist desk. Like our president, I believe in the creative power of chaos. I thrive on confusion. And my wife is sort of the Washington Post in my life. I come out with a big pronouncement and she says, “But yesterday you told me —” etc.

Marriage to a perfectionist offers many benefits, don’t get me wrong. The kitchen is tidy, the rugs harmonize with the furniture, tools and other necessities are well organized so you don’t run around looking for toilet paper and find it stashed in the china closet.

On the other hand, there are moments when I realize I’m being observed as I perform some simple task such as pouring water out of a boot — she is watching to make sure I do it correctly. She goes through my wastebasket and extracts tiny recyclable things and shows them to me. She has carried on a long-running campaign to get me to take a daily walk at a brisk pace and thereby live longer so she can go on perfecting me into my eighties and nineties.

What I need at this point is a big burst of self-esteem and so I imagined the phone ringing and a Swede announcing that I — me — yours truly — not Philip Roth, not some unknown Lithuanian poet — had won the Nobel Prize in Literature.

And I would walk into the kitchen where the love of my life is standing by the refrigerator, and she’d say, “You left a full carton of milk sitting out on the counter and I don’t know how long it’s been sitting here, do you?” And I’d say, “We’re going to Stockholm this fall. We’ll fly first class. We need to buy some dress-up clothes. I won the Nobel Prize in Literature, Babe.”

This column is a mess and I know it. Very poorly organized. But if I were a Nobel laureate, you’d think it were a work of genius. You wouldn’t think, “Should that be ‘were’ or should it be ‘was?’” You’d think, “He won the Nobel, it must be ‘were.’” And so it is.


962 comments

  • HOW TO RECOVER YOUR LOST BITCOIN WITHOUT FALLING VICTIM TO SCAM

    When digital assets are lost or stolen, recovering them can be complex due to the decentralized nature of blockchain technology. Alpha Recovery Experts specializes in professional cryptocurrency recovery services, helping individuals and businesses trace stolen funds, investigate suspicious transactions, and pursue recovery options through advanced blockchain analysis.
    As a trusted crypto recovery company, Alpha Recovery Experts leverages cutting-edge blockchain investigation tools and industry expertise to track digital asset movements across multiple networks. Their team conducts detailed forensic investigations to identify transaction paths, uncover scam operations, and provide clients with comprehensive reports that can support legal actions and regulatory complaints. Whether you’ve fallen victim to an investment scam, phishing attack, or unauthorized wallet access, their specialists work diligently to maximize recovery opportunities.

    Choosing the right cryptocurrency recovery service is essential when dealing with crypto fraud. Alpha Recovery Experts is committed to transparency, professionalism, and delivering reliable blockchain investigation services tailored to each case. By combining technical expertise with proven investigative methodologies, the company has become a valuable resource for victims seeking assistance with crypto scam recovery, blockchain forensics, and digital asset tracing. Contact Alpha Recovery Experts today to learn how their recovery specialists can help protect and recover your cryptocurrency assets.

    Additional details about their services can be found on;
    website. Alpharecoveryexperts.com
    Whatsapp; +447457424681

    Celestine Jero
  • Hello everyone am Gary Van I want to use this medium to appreciate a great spell caster called Dr Ogaga that transformed my life financially, I used to work as driver in a company and I always play lotto but I have never been lucky, then one day as I was glancing through the Internet I came across a testimony of a woman who won $60million through the help of a strong spell caster called Dr Ogaga after praying for her he gave her a lucky numbers to play and she won $60million I also decided to try my luck I contacted the Dr Ogaga and he promise he was going to help me win too I didn’t actually believed 100% but on the second thought I decided to give it a try He instructed me on what I need to do which I did with no stress at all, then after two day he sent me some numbers and asked me to go and play them I went strait to the store and play the numbers then I went back to check when the results were out, behold my numbers came out as the winning numbers it was like a dream to me, even till now I still fined it difficult to believe that I am now a millionaire from being a driver to being a millionaire all thank to Dr Ogaga I will never forget your help, if you are out there and you also want to be a winner I will advice you to also contact Dr Ogaga and I promise you he will not disappoint you at all. Here are his contacts. Email ogagaodia41@gmail.com
    WhatsApp +1(365)350-5955.

    Gary Van
  • HIRE ALPHA RECOVERY EXPERTS TO FIX YOUR CREDIT SCORE.

    I can’t express how glad I feel after working with Alpha Recovery Experts. I’d been dealing with an eviction on my credit report, which made it extremely difficult to obtain housing. After reaching out to them, they promised to assist, and I was astounded by how quickly they responded.
    They eliminated the eviction and other negative items from my credit report within a few business days. I saw my credit score increase to 1099, which seemed like a dream come true. Thanks to their help, I finally feel optimistic about my future and can hunt for housing without the weight of my past holding me back.

    Contact info;
    Email: ( Alpharecoveryexpert@consultant.com )
    WhatsAp: ( +44,745,742 4681 )

    Martin Gray
  • HIRE ALPHA RECOVERY EXPERTS TO FIX YOUR CREDIT SCORE.

    I can’t express how glad I feel after working with Alpha Recovery Experts. I’d been dealing with an eviction on my credit report, which made it extremely difficult to obtain housing. After reaching out to them, they promised to assist, and I was astounded by how quickly they responded.
    They eliminated the eviction and other negative items from my credit report within a few business days. I saw my credit score increase to 1099, which seemed like a dream come true. Thanks to their help, I finally feel optimistic about my future and can hunt for housing without the weight of my past holding me back.

    Contact info;
    Email: ( Alpharecoveryexpert@consultant.com )
    WhatsAp: ( +44,745,742 4681 )

    Martin Gray
  • I am super excited this very moment indeed Dr harry is truly a good man, i doubted him from the beginning but right now i can trust him with my all because he has put a beautiful smile on my face and change my life from struggle to millionaire, what would i have done without him, just few months ago i was struggling wondering what would my life turn into, now i am here sharing a wonderful testimony of my life, after i explained my whole situation to him he took me as his own daughter and removed my family from shame, he prepared a lottery winning spell for me with true sincerity and gave me a winning number to play and that was how i won that jackpot, Dr harry took away my shame, my pain and my worries, what a humble man with a heart of gold, thank you so much i am very grateful for what you have done for me, should you have any interest in giving it a try or going through any difficulties i think he is the right man to talk to and i believe he can help

    Email: drharrysolution@gmail.com
    website: https://drharrysolutionhea.wixsite.com/healinghome
    phone: +2349036417079

    MATTS RIVERA

Leave a comment