What's been going on around here lately
The Swedish Academy’s decision to not award the Nobel Prize in Literature this spring hit me hard, of course. I figured this would be my year and was counting on the cash prize of a cool million bucks. A man needs a little boost now and then. I know I do. People associate me with radio but I was also a Novelist — okay? Novels. With characters and dialogue. Lonely guys looking out rain-spattered windows at bare trees and wondering, “Who am I anyway?”
I did some of that last Saturday morning. I am married to a perfectionist, and so my faults are more clear to me than necessary. I am 75 years old, people. How many men of 75 are actively engaged in self-improvement? Are there rehab programs for us? Inspirational books aimed at us? No.
I was looking out a rain-spattered window, thinking long thoughts, when a wild turkey strolled into our backyard and onto the terrace as if he owned the place. My love and I live in the middle of a big city, but on the steep wooded slope behind us, raccoons live, and a fox, and wild turkeys who roost in the trees and grow very large because we’re all liberals around here and nobody has a shotgun to shoot them with.
The turkey stood preening himself ten feet away from me, unconcerned about trespassing, and it made me think about freedom, which I experienced for a few years in my childhood. We lived in the country where a boy could disappear into the woods and run around without adult supervision for most of the day. Believe it or not, we had no pagers or cellphones on us to allow our parents to keep close tabs. Kidnappers could’ve descended and taken us away, bound and gagged, in souped-up roadsters and demanded a ransom of a million in nonconsecutive bills. They didn’t because our parents didn’t have the dough. And my parents had other children. Spares. So we were safe, tearing around shooting cap pistols, waving our cowboy hats, and re-enacting white racist violence against native peoples in a way children would not be allowed to do today. When I see a pickup truck with NRA and Confederate flag bumper stickers on it, I see myself when I was eight. Been there.
And in this moment of reverie, my true love said to me, “You really need to do something about your desk.”
I don’t run a perfectionist desk. Like our president, I believe in the creative power of chaos. I thrive on confusion. And my wife is sort of the Washington Post in my life. I come out with a big pronouncement and she says, “But yesterday you told me —” etc.
Marriage to a perfectionist offers many benefits, don’t get me wrong. The kitchen is tidy, the rugs harmonize with the furniture, tools and other necessities are well organized so you don’t run around looking for toilet paper and find it stashed in the china closet.
On the other hand, there are moments when I realize I’m being observed as I perform some simple task such as pouring water out of a boot — she is watching to make sure I do it correctly. She goes through my wastebasket and extracts tiny recyclable things and shows them to me. She has carried on a long-running campaign to get me to take a daily walk at a brisk pace and thereby live longer so she can go on perfecting me into my eighties and nineties.
What I need at this point is a big burst of self-esteem and so I imagined the phone ringing and a Swede announcing that I — me — yours truly — not Philip Roth, not some unknown Lithuanian poet — had won the Nobel Prize in Literature.
And I would walk into the kitchen where the love of my life is standing by the refrigerator, and she’d say, “You left a full carton of milk sitting out on the counter and I don’t know how long it’s been sitting here, do you?” And I’d say, “We’re going to Stockholm this fall. We’ll fly first class. We need to buy some dress-up clothes. I won the Nobel Prize in Literature, Babe.”
This column is a mess and I know it. Very poorly organized. But if I were a Nobel laureate, you’d think it were a work of genius. You wouldn’t think, “Should that be ‘were’ or should it be ‘was?’” You’d think, “He won the Nobel, it must be ‘were.’” And so it is.
When my ex left me for another woman after three years, I was heartbroken and desperate. I reached out to PRIEST OSAS, who instructed me on what to do and then cast a love spell. Shortly after 24hrs, my ex began texting me, expressing regret and realizing I was the most important person in his life. We moved in together, and our relationship became stronger and more open. Thanks to PRIEST OSAS, my partner is now stable, faithful, and closer to me. I highly recommend PRIEST OSAS to anyone in need of help.
EMAIL: almightyspellcast@gmail.com
You can also talk to him on
WhatsApp +1(419)359 4367
Call: +1(424) 277 3488
https://almightyspellcast.wixsite.com/priest-osas-1
Hello internet viewers who came across this review, I and my husband had an issue in our marriage that made us fight and he left me for one year. He didn’t return back home and I couldn’t bear the pain of losing my husband for another woman. I had to find a way just to make sure he’s back and it seems everything I did failed. Luckily I remember Dr OGBO who helped me win the lottery ticket in 2022, I quickly contacted him and explained everything to him, how my husband left me for one year. Dr OGBO bought some items to cast a spell on him and also told me what I will do. I did everything correctly and Dr did the spell that brought my husband back immediately to me. Dr OGBO, thank you so much for helping me get my husband back. VIA: psychicogboreading@gmail.com // or WHATSAPP +2349057657558 ..
Hello internet viewers who came across this review, I and my husband had an issue in our marriage that made us fight and he left me for one year. He didn’t return back home and I couldn’t bear the pain of losing my husband for another woman. I had to find a way just to make sure he’s back and it seems everything I did failed. Luckily I remember Dr OGBO who helped me win the lottery ticket in 2022, I quickly contacted him and explained everything to him, how my husband left me for one year. Dr OGBO bought some items to cast a spell on him and also told me what I will do. I did everything correctly and Dr did the spell that brought my husband back immediately to me. Dr OGBO, thank you so much for helping me get my husband back. VIA: psychicogboreading@gmail.com // or WHATSAPP +2349057657558
I have had papillomavirus infection (HPV) for 3 months now. I have searched for cures everywhere. I have spent more money on the disease to make sure that it got cured. I was searching online on facebook, I got a review on how Dr Onokun cured People with herbs. So I ask him for help and the way he talks to me I believe in the medicine because other people are getting cured completely and I order the medication. I got it and I applied it on this disease. Within 14 days I was cured from the HPV thanks to herbal medication Dr Onokun send to me. If you need help he will be able to help you get rid of the Diseases, contact him on
Facebook page: www.facebook.com/naturaltreatmentcenter1
WhatsApp +1 424 738 1393
Website: onokunherbs.com
I have had my fair share of emotional traumas and failed relationships. There is nothing more to life than staying hopeful even when we expect the worse. I was lucky once more when i met my fiancé and he was all that i ever wanted in a man. I was always treated right by him and i had always believed we are ending up together. Unknown to me that devil had struck even before my wishes came through. He was taken from me by another bitch and it was hell for me knowing he had left me. I was so sure that he didn’t do so with his clear mind because everything seems award when it occurred. So i had to look for help and I found dr isikolo who revealed to me that my man was hypnotized with charms by the said lady. He worked for me and got my man back to me and now we are back again. I cant be thankful enough knowing everything Dr isikolo promised was fulfilled and knowing the result of his works manifests after 48 hours. No lies about all you will ever hear about him and what he does. Contact him now if need be and be fully assured he wont fail you. Text him on WhatsApp via +2348133261196 or visit his webpage (https://isikolo-temple.com)