What's been going on around here lately

The Swedish Academy’s decision to not award the Nobel Prize in Literature this spring hit me hard, of course. I figured this would be my year and was counting on the cash prize of a cool million bucks. A man needs a little boost now and then. I know I do. People associate me with radio but I was also a Novelist — okay? Novels. With characters and dialogue. Lonely guys looking out rain-spattered windows at bare trees and wondering, “Who am I anyway?”

I did some of that last Saturday morning. I am married to a perfectionist, and so my faults are more clear to me than necessary. I am 75 years old, people. How many men of 75 are actively engaged in self-improvement? Are there rehab programs for us? Inspirational books aimed at us? No.

I was looking out a rain-spattered window, thinking long thoughts, when a wild turkey strolled into our backyard and onto the terrace as if he owned the place. My love and I live in the middle of a big city, but on the steep wooded slope behind us, raccoons live, and a fox, and wild turkeys who roost in the trees and grow very large because we’re all liberals around here and nobody has a shotgun to shoot them with.

The turkey stood preening himself ten feet away from me, unconcerned about trespassing, and it made me think about freedom, which I experienced for a few years in my childhood. We lived in the country where a boy could disappear into the woods and run around without adult supervision for most of the day. Believe it or not, we had no pagers or cellphones on us to allow our parents to keep close tabs. Kidnappers could’ve descended and taken us away, bound and gagged, in souped-up roadsters and demanded a ransom of a million in nonconsecutive bills. They didn’t because our parents didn’t have the dough. And my parents had other children. Spares. So we were safe, tearing around shooting cap pistols, waving our cowboy hats, and re-enacting white racist violence against native peoples in a way children would not be allowed to do today. When I see a pickup truck with NRA and Confederate flag bumper stickers on it, I see myself when I was eight. Been there.

And in this moment of reverie, my true love said to me, “You really need to do something about your desk.”

I don’t run a perfectionist desk. Like our president, I believe in the creative power of chaos. I thrive on confusion. And my wife is sort of the Washington Post in my life. I come out with a big pronouncement and she says, “But yesterday you told me —” etc.

Marriage to a perfectionist offers many benefits, don’t get me wrong. The kitchen is tidy, the rugs harmonize with the furniture, tools and other necessities are well organized so you don’t run around looking for toilet paper and find it stashed in the china closet.

On the other hand, there are moments when I realize I’m being observed as I perform some simple task such as pouring water out of a boot — she is watching to make sure I do it correctly. She goes through my wastebasket and extracts tiny recyclable things and shows them to me. She has carried on a long-running campaign to get me to take a daily walk at a brisk pace and thereby live longer so she can go on perfecting me into my eighties and nineties.

What I need at this point is a big burst of self-esteem and so I imagined the phone ringing and a Swede announcing that I — me — yours truly — not Philip Roth, not some unknown Lithuanian poet — had won the Nobel Prize in Literature.

And I would walk into the kitchen where the love of my life is standing by the refrigerator, and she’d say, “You left a full carton of milk sitting out on the counter and I don’t know how long it’s been sitting here, do you?” And I’d say, “We’re going to Stockholm this fall. We’ll fly first class. We need to buy some dress-up clothes. I won the Nobel Prize in Literature, Babe.”

This column is a mess and I know it. Very poorly organized. But if I were a Nobel laureate, you’d think it were a work of genius. You wouldn’t think, “Should that be ‘were’ or should it be ‘was?’” You’d think, “He won the Nobel, it must be ‘were.’” And so it is.


637 comments

  • I am very happy today with my family. My name is ELIJAH living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. I have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Priest Hannah a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email priesthannahsolutionhome@gmail.com… Now I will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without stress.. He always hello, now i call him my father. Contact him now he is always online email (priesthannahsolutionhome@gmail.com) or contact him on his WhatsApp mobile line +2348114394206.,

    Elijah
  • KeycheinX Is The Largest Recovery Company Worldwide With Hundreds Of Positive Reviews About Its Skills On Google and Have Been In Operation Since 2017. If your funds where stolen via any kind of fraudulent scheme, I urge you to contact Keycheinx @ mail .com on how to recover lost stolen funds.

    I’m grateful that Peter and his team, a cryptocurrency recovery expert, was able to recover the bitcoin I lost when I unintentionally transferred funds via my Website to the incorrect wallet. Just a few weeks after transmitting $101,000 worth of Bitcoins to the wrong wallet address. At first I thought I had swiped away everything. But just as I was about to lose it, an associate of mine suggested Peter and his team, a hacking group that was able to locate and recover my cryptos. I genuinely appreciate the excellent service provided by this company because they are so helpful and dependable. If you were victimized by scammers and lost cryptocurrency, you may easily contact Peter by email or telegram?
    Email: keycheinx @ mail. com
    Telegram + 1 (415) 7 2 7 9 8,8.0
    Email: keycheinxcryptorecovery @ gmail .com
    Website: https://keycheinx-wallets—crypto-recovery-service.webnode.page

    Mark Donald
  • KeycheinX Is The Largest Recovery Company Worldwide With Hundreds Of Positive Reviews About Its Skills On Google and Have Been In Operation Since 2017. If your funds where stolen via any kind of fraudulent scheme, I urge you to contact Keycheinx @ mail .com on how to recover lost stolen funds.

    I’m grateful that Peter and his team, a cryptocurrency recovery expert, was able to recover the bitcoin I lost when I unintentionally transferred funds via my Website to the incorrect wallet. Just a few weeks after transmitting $101,000 worth of Bitcoins to the wrong wallet address. At first I thought I had swiped away everything. But just as I was about to lose it, an associate of mine suggested Peter and his team, a hacking group that was able to locate and recover my cryptos. I genuinely appreciate the excellent service provided by this company because they are so helpful and dependable. If you were victimized by scammers and lost cryptocurrency, you may easily contact Peter by email or telegram?
    Email: keycheinx @ mail. com
    Telegram + 1 (415) 7 2 7 9 8,8.0
    Email: keycheinxcryptorecovery @ gmail .com
    Website: https://keycheinx-wallets—crypto-recovery-service.webnode.page

    Mark Donald
  • Tracking cell phones and obtaining accurate information can be challenging, but Jonathan’s services made the process effortless for me. Through his help, I discovered just how often the internet is used as a tool for both emotional and physical infidelity. Taking a few additional steps to gather solid evidence before leaving a toxic relationship—such as finding out who your partner is messaging or chatting with on social media—can be a wise decision. I’d definitely recommend reaching out to jonathanbrossard0987@gmail.com, Signal/Whatsapp: 918-537-3985

    Jenny Dean
  • “How I Tracked and Retrieved My Lost Cryptocurrency” KeycheinX Wallets & Stolen Bitcoin Recovery Services Are Truly Unparalleled And Among The Best In The Industry. 

    Their expertise and advanced technological capabilities make them the ideal choice for anyone seeking to recover lost wallet password or stolen cryptocurrency. With KeycheinX by your side, you can rest assured that your crypto assets are in the hands of a highly skilled and trustworthy team. Their remarkable problem-solving skills, combined with their dedication and determination, ensure that no challenge is too great for them to overcome. KeycheinX recovery commitment to delivering exceptional results and their genuine desire to help their clients sets them apart from the rest. If you’re in need of crypto or wallet recovery services, KeycheinX recovery is the perfect partner to navigate the complex world of cryptocurrency and bring back what is rightfully yours.
    Email: keycheinx () mail . com Telegram: + 1 (415) 7_2_7_9_8_8_0 Email: keycheinxcryptorecoverygmail.com
    Website: https://keycheinx-wallets—crypto-recovery-service.webnode.page

    Vicent Jojo

Leave a comment